How do I feel?

Since friends and family have found out about J being accepted for speech and language therapy support I have been asked “how do you feel about it?”.

Am I upset?

I am if I’m honest. No one dreams of Motherhood and thinks ‘I can’t wait for my child to not talk’ so yes, there’s part of me that thinks this is unfair, why us, will he ever talk? I feel a weight in my chest when J is in his bubble and seems so alone in his world. I know he’s not. I know he’s a perfectly content child who just wants to be left to get on with things.

Am I scared?

Yes, very! I don’t know what to expect. I was scared of the assessment appointment as I didn’t know how it would go and what the outcome would be. I’m scared of the future. What if J needs symbols and Makaton for years? Will he make friends in school? Will he get picked on? I’m scared that nothing’s going to work. Then, I am scared that it will turn out to be my fault. Someone’s going to tell me I did it all wrong and I caused this.

Am I happy?

Definately. Someone believes me, someone professional. J has a ‘title’-I know we shouldn’t label children but as a Mummy it’s actually nice to be able to say that there is a reason why he isn’t talking and I am not just an over bearing first time Mummy. I’m happy we are getting help early so we can hopefully bridge the gap between him and his peers. 

Am I ok?

We’re getting there…

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