I didn’t have a plan for today’s blog. Even after this first sentence I don’t know what it is I want to say. I was ready to close this account and leave the world of blogging. I wonder if anyone reads this, if anyone finds it interesting or useful. I wonder who am I doing this for?
But, then I receive two messages. Both from Mums in similar positions to us. They are uncertain if their child’s future, where to go for support and what to do to help. They both have read my blog and say it has helped them. I’ve realised that this may not be the most shared and viewed blog but if it is offering any form of support and hope for anyone else then I will keep writing.
To be fair I find it therapeutic. It helps me sort the thoughts it my head. I often put on a brave front but it is scary having a child with additional needs. There’s so much uncertainly and fear. Fear that it’s my fault (did I not eat the right things in pregnancy? Did I not stimulate him enough as a baby?). Fear that he’s not going to talk, ever! Fear that he’s going to struggle through life and that I mourn the idea of ‘normality’. Then the guilt starts and the cycle of negativity continues.
I do try and snap myself out of it. I think to myself that there are sooooo many success stories of children who had the same start to communication and are now complete chatterboxes. I think of the steps J has taken. He is now babbling and making new sounds. He has said 2 words (although stopped again but he still said them). J is learning Makaton and his pecs and although he’s selective about when he wants to use them, I know he can. That makes him a very clever little boy.
See, I’m feeling better already. Thinking positive and reminding myself of all the good things little man has achieved has pushed all those negative thoughts to the back again (I won’t say pushed them away as they’ll come back, that’s natural as a parent I think).
So, if you are reading my blog and you know anyone that this could help you or someone to feel a little less alone or unsure, please share on Facebook or twitter or Instagram. We do have a Facebook page called ‘Mummy est.2014’ so please come find us. Our Instagram is JP_rocks2014 (because he does rock).
Come say hi 🙂