Working Mummy worries…

I’m currently stood in my kitchen cooking a fish finger sandwich for my husband. I am suddenly hit with a guilty feeling.

I dreamed of family dinner times with homecooked, healthy food everyday. The reality is so different it’s unrecognisable. J has had more take aways this month than I care to admit. Usually J and I sit at the table together to eat, and Daddy has his when he’s home. However there’s times where I have so much to do that J gets a quick reheated dinner (usually the left over spag bol I froze from the weekend) and I pick at stuff in the cupboard later.

I will say that I will always make sure J has fruit and yoghurt for pudding…that gives me parenting points doesn’t it?

The fact is I work 5 days a week. I’m out the house by 8.15am and don’t get home till 4 at the earliest. Even then I usually spend time on and off the phone, answering work emails or messages, sharing posts to the families page for Preschool and generally helping with ‘out of hours’ issues. With my job I can’t just switch off. I am emotionally attached and want to do what I can to help my families…but is this at the cost of my own?

I already blame myself for a lot of J’s issues. He is coming on so, so well and I do try to make sure I do at least one ‘educational’ activity everyday-even if it’s just 5 minutes. So I do try to cut myself some slack, but it doesn’t come easy.

Add to this my own health issues. I have Myalgic Encephalopathy and there are times I genuinely can’t get off the sofa. I can’t stand in front of the cooker and handmake everything. Sometimes shoving something with breadcrumbs on it in the oven is the best I can do.

Am I right to feel guilty? Am I failing in my motherly duty?

I’m trying to think of reasons to answer ‘no’…so here goes:

  • At weekends meals are homemade and always include vegetables (whether J eats them is a different discussion).
  • When Daddy has his days off we will eat as a family at the table (and no devices allowed)
  • The take aways are balanced and child friendly portions, minimal to no salt, include vegetables (see above) and generally I aim for better options such as Chinese (rice and chicken with veg) over fried foods (although J doesn’t love a Happy Meal).
  • J is a happy boy and he is progressing in his speech and communication.
  • We have a great bond. He will always want his Mummy first if he falls down, he will give me the biggest smile when I walk into the room and I’m the one he wants to lick in the forehead (don’t ask!!!)
  • Me and Daddy work to put a roof over his head, food (or take aways) on the table and pays for family days out. We don’t work because we want to.
  • I get all the out of term time holidays with him (bare in mind that I do have working days, training sessions and paperwork during school holidays so it’s not all ‘free time’). We have lots of fun during our holiday time.
  • He has plenty of toys and books that are stimulating and he has fun playing with them. Yes, I may be finishing off work stuff on my phone/iPad but he is safe and happy, and knows I am there.
  • I have fought for help for J. I have taken him to appointments and assessments. I have made him pec symbols and I have taught Daddy Makaton. We make sure we give J a way to communicate.
  • I always , always make sure that I help J feel secure. This means avoiding sceneries I know will cause him anxiety, amending plans or researching before trips out.
  • I love him…so very much. I think that is a big thing. I make sure we have hugs and kisses, and the night time routine is very important as I want him to go to sleep knowing I love him. I think if your child knows you love them then you really can’t be failing too badly 😊

So, I think maybe I am being to harsh on myself. I think the guilt feeling is just a part of being a Mummy (and I’m sure Daddy will agree and has the same feelings of guilt). Maybe, feeling the guilt is what spurs us on and stops us becoming complacent.

What are your thoughts?

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. kwillmer says:

    You’re doing an absolutely fantastic job. People don’t realise how tough teaching is. I broke down on my line manager in January saying how tough the workload is – just not having physically enough time in the day to mark/do paperwork as well as actually teach and all that comes with it. On top, I too feel guilty for the dinner times – dreaming of us all together with healthy homecooked meals, but in reality it is not possible. By the time we are back from nursery its not til 5.15pm after the 7am departure, so to get her fed before bedtime, its usually something quick from the freezer for Lily, before I then even think of myself (usually soup or rice krispies while washing up for me!!) But then weekends we do our best, and although we keep saying it’ll be different in our new house with our new kitchen, I know freezer foods will still happen due to the lack of hours in the day. Fruit/veg smoothie cartons I find also help get the goodness into her! So please dont feel the need to justify yourself – he is happy, healthy, loved and has you as a mummy, and that’s what matters most x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. mummyest2014 says:

      Thank you so much, it’s a big relief to know it’s not just me! I am full of ‘I’m going to batch cook and freeze healthy meals’ every weekend but then it doesn’t happen. But you’re right. J is happy, healthy and loved so I’m going to just focus on the positives 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

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